More Observations from a Costa Rican Insider

Qualifying Statement #10

This is a tirade. Also, it is a correction to any mis-statements in any previous articles written by me. Please refer to Observations from a Costa Rican Insider.

1) You know what really chaps my little, brown, Mexican-American bottom? Turistas (Tourists). You know, I used to be a friendly, outgoing, helluva nice guy, but The Jungle has jaded me. Why, just yesterday, I was listening to a conversation between an Australian and an American that was occurring in a café downtown and I heard reference to BootsnAll and more specifically, to ME. I didn’t even have the desire to get up and walk over and say: “Hey, I wrote that stuff.” I just drank my coffee and contemplated the nights drinking, carousing, and gambling.

I think maybe I really got turned off to the tourist when I was on the bus one time headed back to San Pedro from San Jose. The bus that I take goes right beside my apartment, but then veers off into a questionable part of town, not a place to be stranded. Anyway, this American kid is telling the bus driver where he wants to go (in HORRIBLE Spanish) and it is quite obvious to all of us on the bus that this kid has taken the totally WRONG bus. So, I speak right up and say: Hey, Man, you’re on the wrong bus and you need to take… He holds up his hand to me and says: “I know what I’m doing.”

Now, I was coming back from San Jose, which means that I was about half drunk, and this kid really pissed me off, so I said: “NO! You don’t, you sniveling little F***. You keep riding this bus and you’re gonna wind up getting knifed by six Nicaraguans and I’m gonna laugh and go home and order a pizza and a six pack of beer and let them have you.”

At that point, we had reached my stop and I bid him an UNFOND farewell and went home. The worst part is that it didn’t have to be that way: A few weeks ago, I was placed in charge of Mac, a fifteen year old surfer kid from Florida. Now Mac didn’t go around spouting that he knew everything. Then, why, answer me somebody, does every backpacker that comes through this place think that he/she is God’s gift to the travel world? ¿Quién sabe? Nadie.

2) Ticos can’t walk, much less drive. Do not go stumbling around San Jose under the influence because you will get run over. Also, the sidewalks fit about three people abreast, and if there is a family of four Ticos, they will be walking abreast and they will be walking at a pace slower than you. Eventually, it will inspire in you the pedestrian equivalent of road rage. At least, it has for me.

3) It’s ok to play craps in the casinos. There has been a resurgence in the past two years. When I got here in Septemeber 1999, they were pulling all of the tables out of the casinos. Yet, in the interim there have been a lot of management changes in several of the casinos and they have all put craps tables in them.

My picks: Club Colonial, it is the most popular table in the city, but I fear that the dice are loaded (we are in Costa Rica). The 5 and the 9 are the most continuous numbers and the 7 will blow you up everytime. Not to say that I haven’t gone in there walked out with a load of cash. You just have to time it right. The Tropical and The Radisson are owned by the same management and they are the most professional places to play. Or, you could go to The Cheetah, which is brand new and virtually empty every time we go in there to play.

4) Costa Ricans are very intent on the national soccer team: La Selección. If they win a game, then don’t expect to go anywhere for about an hour after the game. The streets are blocked and the taxis and buses can’t get through to anywhere. When they beat Mexico about a month ago for the first time in twenty-seven years, I couldn’t get out of San Pedro for like two hours and even then, the roads were blocked.

5) The difference in upper middle class Ticos and lower middle class Ticos is worlds apart. Before, I said that Costa Rica is an oligarchy and it is, but the stretch in socio-economic status is much worse than I thought. So, most of the things that I say are contingent on which part of the society that you see. I have seen it every way that it can be presented.

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