Copenhagen, Denmark - September 2001
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The �resund Bridge |
For my money, and believe me, I don't have a lot, Copenhagen must be one of the world's most dangerous cities. Afghanistan - ha, that's for wimps, Bosnia - I took my mother there for a weekend break, the Sudan - child's play. But Denmark, and more specifically Copenhagen - well, that will really sort the men from the boys. Every time I go there I always seem to come back worse for wear and not really remembering what happened - my poor liver throbs at the mere thought of another trip there.
So, fellow travellers, I take no responsibility for this little guide. I do, however, seriously remind you that there is never, and I really mean never, any excuse at all to go anywhere near Danish Schnapps - ever. Don't make the same mistakes I have made. My advice is next time a Dane offers you a tote of the hard stuff, run - and don't stop till you reach Sweden. Or you might, like I did not so long ago, just find yourself laying in a ditch in the middle of nowhere with your trousers around your ankles, and the vague feeling you had embarrassed yourself.
The last time I stayed in Copenhagen I stayed in a very swanky hotel overlooking the Tivoli Gardens. I knew it was going to be a good night when the pretty receptionist upgraded me to a suite and recommended that I check out the city's sex museum.
I staggered back from a tour of the city's bars sometime in the small hours and managed to crawl along the corridor to my suite shedding clothes on the way. No sooner had I flopped into bed (ignoring the bottle of champagne that room service had mysteriously delivered to my room) then the groaning from the next room started (the room had triple glazing and solid walls so I was immediately impressed).
"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, mmmmmmmmmmmmmm"
Twenty minutes later: "mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, oook, oook, oook"
By this time I had given up trying to sleep.
An hour later: "my god......ahhhh...big boy" (well, that's what it sounded like - Danish not being the most romantic of languages).
Then finally, after two hours, everything went quiet. I was finally drifting off to sleep when I heard the moaning start again. This time it was a lot louder and took another ninety minutes to come to a crescendo. By the time I got to sleep the sun was just rising.
A few hours later I was up and dressed and ready for the day's round of meetings. As I was leaving my suite I bumped into my next door neighbours who were also just leaving. Neither of them was a day under 75 and I swear the woman used a stick to walk (her thighs must have been smoking still). I didn't know whether to congratulate them or ask for advice...
Food
Danish food is not very exotic, but tasty, mostly based on bread, beef and potatoes. The Danes consider dining one of the most important times of the day, a time to relax and talk with the family (it stops them shagging for a bit I guess). The most famous dishes are open faced sandwiches (called sm�rrebr�d) and meat balls (frikadeller).
Danes are big on desserts and pastries and no trip is complete without a truckload of sticky pastries. I normally limit myself to eating them for breakfast, lunch and dinner as I am told that a varied diet is important.
Spunk
Perhaps the best thing about Denmark is Spunk. Despite what you might have been told, and this word has a definite other meaning in the UK, Spunk is the number one selling sweet in Denmark. I was so impressed when I saw boxes of spunk for sale at Karup airport that I rang the company and asked them about its origins:
Spunk is the "naughty" and tasty pastil for children. Two different kinds of Spunk are available; the popular salt pastil, and the funny, brilliantly coloured jelly gums. Spunk was introduced in 1971, and in fact the name was invented by "Pippi Langstr�mpe" (the Swedish author, Astrid Lindgren's well known girl character), who tells the story of a fantasy animal called Spunk.
On my last trip I bought some back from my secretary. It is still sitting on her computer as she isn't sure if she should spit or swallow...
Don't miss the chance of buying some, it will keep you amused for ages. For the record, according to one nameless female friend, it tastes as good as its name.
Drink
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Tivoli Gardens |
Ok, let's be honest, the Danes know a thing or two about beer. They have been making it since the year dot. Most people will be familiar with Carlsberg. Founded over 150 years ago in Copenhagen, the Carlsberg Group is a major international brewer and its Carlsberg and Tuborg brands are among the most widely sold beers in the world. Its head office is based on the same site as the original brewery from 1847, which still stands as a living monument to the company's heritage. But it's not the beer that's a problem, it's the schnapps that causes all the grief.
My first introduction to schnapps was the one that led to the unfortunate incident I mentioned in the introduction. I had been to a EU conference in Copenhagen that had unfortunately been sponsored by Carlsberg and had somehow or other ended up in a real dive of a bar with the Danish delegation.
I thought I was on safe ground going drinking with the four slight blonde girls and was matching them drink for drink until someone suggested we toast our collaboration and countries. Out came the schnapps and we toasted Denmark, downing the shots in one gulp whilst the barman stood on hoping we didn't spill any of the vile liquid (as it would have probably burnt through the tabletop like that acid does in the Alien films).
Then we toasted England with different schnapps that looked like bleach and tasted far worse. At this stage, apart from streaming eyes and gasping for air, I was doing fine and the girls looked even more blonde and comely. Then, fool that I am, I suggested we toast all the other nations who had taken part in the conference. By the time we got to Romania I had tried about a dozen schnapps, none of which were even remotely appealing. The barman, however, had become a lot more attractive and my drinking chums were definitely looking like supermodels (A year later I bumped into one of the girls in Germany and she wouldn't stop laughing at me).
A wise man would have given up then and gone home at this stage. I am not a wise man. I seem to remember drinking a black liquorice flavoured schnapps to toast our dear friends the Poles (I had just come back from there, I think) and after that things got a bit hazy. The only two things I am definitely sure about is that I woke up in a forest miles from anywhere, with my trousers around my ankles and I couldn't look at drain cleaner without gagging for several years.
The next time I went to Denmark I ended up getting out of my mind with the chef of the only hotel in a tiny village where I had gone for a meeting. It happens all the time in Denmark, you meet the nicest people, you go for a simple civilised beer and then when you are at your weakest moment out comes the schnapps and bang goes your liver, and, on one especially memorable night, my eyesight. It's got so bad now that I am scared to leave my hotel.
Things to do and Places to see
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Tivoli Gardens |
Tivoli Gardens lies in a square in the center of Copenhagen, with one side across from the City Hall Square, one side across from the main train station, and one side on busy Vesterbrogade. It has a garden, an amusement park, fine restaurants, an outdoor theatre, and is host to many concerts and events. In the garden is a lake that was part of the original moat around the inner city. It was founded by Gorg Carstensen (1812-57). At night more then 100,000 lamps illuminate the old garden. These are, of course, best seen from the bottom of a beer glass whilst standing in one of the Garden's many bars. Entrance costs about 25 DK and on Wednesdays and Saturdays there is a firework display at 11:45pm.
Christianshavn
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Christianshavn |
Christianshavn (Christian's harbour) was planned as an independent market town. Here Christian IV wanted to create the ideal Italian-inspired city with a tight geometry and canals passing through Christianshavn was grounded on islets, meadows and earth fillings. The ground was miserable, but by 1640 the king had attracted so many well-to-do merchants and many a competent craftsman that Christianshavn got its own municipal charter. Quickly Christianshavn became a part of Copenhagen. The defence installations were enlarged and there was room for more building grounds.
Today Christianshavn is a marked part of Copenhagen with its own specific atmosphere and the free-town of Christiania. It is also a bloody expensive place to go for a beer. Do not, no matter how tempting it may be, stop for a beer here (unless, of course, you are on expenses). I went out drinking here one night and ended up spending the national dept of sub-Saharan Africa on a single round. It was, however, a most memorable night and I still wince every time I meet someone from the Danish ministry of education.
The Little Mermaid
Hans Christian Andersen wrote a fairy tale about her; Disney produced the movie; and Copenhagen maintains a statue in her honour which continues to be the largest tourist attraction in Denmark and the most photographed statue in the world.
New York has the Statue of Liberty, Paris has its Eiffel Tower and we have this pretty, charming maiden who stares dreamily out across the water, just as her Danish countrymen have done for thousands of years. In Denmark, the coast is never more than 50 kilometres away. The Little Mermaid is just small enough and close enough to the water to be an excellent symbol of Copenhagen and Denmark.
The beloved fairy tale of the Little Mermaid was first published by Hans Christian Andersen in 1837. It is the story of the little mermaid who saves the life of a shipwrecked prince and sets off on a perilous quest to win his love. The price she pays is dear: to become human she must give up her lovely voice as well as her mermaid's tail, and if the prince should wed another, she will turn into foam on sea and disappear forever.
Throughout history, the Little Mermaid has provided inspiration to many. When the Danish brewer, Carl Jacobsen (of Carlsberg fame), attended a performance of ballet master Hans Beck's "The Little Mermaid" in 1909, he was so thrilled with the performance, particularly by leading prima donna Ellen Price that he ordered a statue to be erected in honour of the story.
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The Little Mermaid |
The Sculptor Edward Eriksen was commissioned to create a statue of the Little Mermaid to sit on a granite stone at Langelinie Pier, wistfully looking for her prince. She was modelled after the head of dancer Ellen Price and the torso of sculptor Edward Eriksen's wife, Eline, and stands 165 centimetres tall and weighs 175 kilograms. The original statue, cast in bronze, was presented to the City of Copenhagen on August 23, 1913 by Carl Jacobsen. In 1998, the Little Mermaid celebrates her 85th birthday.
The Little Mermaid has had a tough life:
- September 1, 1961: Bra & knickers were painted on her and her hair was painted red
- April 28, 1963: The Mermaid was covered in red paint
- April 24, 1964: The Mermaid was decapitated
- July 15, 1976: The Mermaid was covered in paint
- July 22, 1984: The right arm of the Mermaid was cut off
- August 5, 1990: Another attempt was made to decapitate her
- January 6, 1998: The Mermaid was decapitated
Things to Buy
Spunk, of course. And lots of it. Actually, Copenhagen has one of the best airports in the world and I normally get everything from there.
They even have a Whisky World - what more need I say?
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About the Author
Survivor of some 50 plus countries, 4 tropical diseases, one attempted coup, one slight misunderstanding with a gun toting African squaddie, numerous earthquakes, the infamous Chung Do Chilly Challenge, numerous flights in Air Portugal and rush hour commuting in Japan, Philip can safely be described as living a quiet life. When not North of the Arctic Circle or South of the Equator he can be found in Cambridge which he describes as a 'nice place to come to die'. His current favourite cities are: Oslo, London and most definitely not Frankfurt. He denies empathetically that he once had a German girlfriend. He can be contected at nihon_news@yahoo.com
