Mr. Buddha’s Addiction
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Australian Reflections |
““Walking round the room singing ‘Stormy Weather’
at 57 Mount Pleasant Street.
Well, it’s the same room but everything’s different;
You can find the sleep but not the dream.
Things ain’t cookin’ in my kitchen,
Strange affliction washes over me.”
“Weather With You” by Crowded House
I should really change that one word in the Crowded House song from ‘affliction’ to ‘addiction’. It goes to show you that life IS a Crowded House song. And it was fogged in on this trip.
Life: Past and Present
An update from my previous travels: I did make the papers; well part of me did at least. I saw my Mickey Mouse California Driver’s License in the newspaper about the murder in the outback near Barrow Creek. They were interviewing one of the barmaids there and they had a picture of her at the bar – with Mickey right above her right shoulder. Although it is a horrible situation what happened to the British tourists, I did get a thrill in seeing one of my Stripteased possessions doing so well on its own.
Well the last few days in Darwin were spent doing very little (except getting Eve’s radio and catalytic converter fixed. Bitch.). It was nice staying put in one place for more than two days and not playing tourist seeing all the sites.
We met one of Tony’s friends, who is in the Australian Air Force. He had a mate who invited us to a proper suburban barbie. It was nice seeing how suburbanites live. I almost forgot than one can have such luxuries as cable TV, swimming pool, full-size kitchen, etc. We just sat on the veranda drinking beer (or ‘drinking piss’ as the Aussies say) and waiting for the meat to cook on the barbie. Great evening.
That is another thing about the Aussies: they love animal flesh. I guess I can count myself lucky that I am no longer a vegetarian, because I would starve in this country. Even their potato chips are meat flavor (which they call ‘chips’ and not ‘crisps’ as the Brits say. But they also use the British word ‘chips’ for their french fries – must get very confusing). I got a wee disgusted at seeing burger- and chicken-flavored chips. I did try the chicken flavor and they weren’t too bad, but I steadfastly refused to eat the burger chips. Yuck! I am getting a hankering to become a vegetarian once again, but I think it would be wise to start that endeavor after I leave OZ.
Another update: it has come to my attention that the US still retains its comfortable lead in the US vs. UK Proper Usage Tournament. I hear people in the NT (remember, “TerriTORY” not “TerriTREE”) refer to themselves as TerriTORYans (not TerriTREEans). Thanks to my Pommie friend for pointing that out.
More inconsistencies were found along our trip down the West Coast of Australia. My traveling compadres would refer to ‘lunch’ as ‘dinner’ (unless they put that meal in a bag and take it with them, then they would call that a ‘packed lunch’) and ‘dinner’ as ‘tea’ (unless they go out to a restaurant, then they would call it ‘dinner’). SO they could conceivably have 2 dinners in one day or no dinner at all. Consistency! I crave and demand it!
Plus to further add to the US’ sizeable lead in the PUT, they pronounce words like cemetery as ‘cemeTREE’. I replied: “Hmm. I never knew that ‘cemetery’ was spelled ‘cemeTORY’”. My traveling companions are used to losing at this moment because every match they have made me watch against Australia (rugby and the always-entertaining cricket), the Aussies have absolutely annihilated them. That is what you get when you’re inconsistent.
We did get an email from Tristan, who traveled with us from Cairns to Ayers Rock. He read my update and referred to me as, and I quote, “a cheating, lying Yank Bastard!” He asked how come I didn’t include the words where the UK won. Hmm. I don’t seem to recall any. Ahhh, the power of the pen!
So at the end of the Third Tea Interval in the US vs. UK PUT, the score is one million for the Yanks (damn… forgot… forgot… forgot… strike that… add “score one million for the guy who signs his name ‘Todd’ to these travelogues”) and nil for the Poms. Damn, I am becoming inconsistent. But that doesn’t surprise me with my attitude on this leg of the trip.
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Aussie Sheik |
I am Pretty Fly (For a White Guy)
For some reason the Aussie Mozzie (mosquito) doesn’t bother me (I think it has something to do with my blood alcohol level), but the freakin’ Aussie fly is quite fond of my nose, eyes and ears. I did have to resort to using shirts wrapped around my head to keep them out.
I did break down and purchase a deterrent. I know I didn’t really want to add to my possessions; I want to be rid of them. But this was an emergency. I bought a bushman’s hat that has fly netting all around it. I look like a dork, but it works. Greatest invention since, oh, sliced bread.
The Accidental Buddhist
“I recommend sticking your foot in your mouth at any time.
Feel Free.
You wait and see when the smoke clears.”
“You Learn” by Alanis Morissette
OK, life is not just a Crowded House song; it is a veritable smorgasbord.
In my case, it is ‘you live, you learn, you re-learn again every few months.’ I guess I have a form of Alzheimer’s-laced spirituality.
The first part of my trip, I was intent on letting go of my need to control. Hence the idea to go naked and free myself of attachments. I did quite well. Until the ‘heimers kicked in and I then found myself reasserting my controlling nature. It didn’t help that Tony, Jon and Carina are very easygoing and responded to queries as to what to do with “I’m easy. Whatever”. So I started making decisions, and my Mr. Buddha took a back seat to my Mr. Hyde.
But I have learned that it is not my clothes I need to be stripteasing but my need to control situations. It didn’t help that the skies were a bit smoky.
Finding Me
“Don’t tell me how to be
Cause I like some suffering.
Don’t ask me what I need
I’m just fine, well, finding me.”
“Finding Me” Vertical Horizon
One huge attachment that I have not given up yet is my need to smoke cigarettes. I quit a while back, gave up eating meat, starting taking 15 million vitamins a day and ran in 5½ marathons. I felt great and was at peace. Then about a year ago I picked up the habit again. Casually. I thought to myself, “I don’t really want a cigarette, so that must mean I can smoke again.” This is the wonder of the inner workings of my mind. So I plodded along like that for a while: smoking for a week or two, then giving it up for two months or so, then starting the cycle all over again.
Well I started up again on my 2nd day in OZ (it was that damn casino in Cairns – booze and gambling require the obligatory cigarettes). I have just gone on pedal to the metal since then. I haven’t jogged since Port Douglas, opting for a cigarette and a few drinks of the piss instead. Double damn.
Well I tried to quit at the beginning of the trip. I waited to see who our new traveling companions would be, and they are a really nice couple, Jon and Carina. They are from south of London and have a great ‘Mary Poppins’ accents: they say ‘bruvva’, ‘favva’ and ‘muvva’ for brother, father and mother. I was in Dick van Dyke heaven. Also they can talk the ears off a dead kangaroo. They told a funny story.
When they first camped in OZ, they were quite excited about camping and the ability to save money that camping offered. But they soon realized that they had nothing to cook with. So they had to get a pizza delivered to their tent. I loved that.
Well, back to the point. Jon and Carina don’t smoke. I thought “Great. Now is my chance. Every one of the Great Unwashed smoked, so now I can do it properly.” So I tried the first day of camping in Kununurra (which I just referred to as “K-town” because I could never pronounce it without tripping over my tongue).
I did really well the first day. I didn’t want one but soon found myself becoming more and more tired: I have had this side effect before, so I knew it was coming. So I just slept most of the time. Then I found myself becoming more and more cranky: I have had this side effect before too.
“Strange addiction washes over me”
Some of my loved ones have actually begged me to go back to smoking when I tried to quit in my 20s, because I was a bear. But I have mellowed with age a bit, so I didn’t snap at anyone. I was just really quiet.
Small little things would set me off and put me in a real bad mood. Instead of irrationally blowing up, I would realize it was the nicotine withdrawal and silently excuse myself. I felt horrible. Not just physically, but I felt bad at what I was putting my traveling companions through.
I lasted about 4 days. I had to give up trying to quit because even the sound of someone breathing would tick me off. What do they put in the cigarettes anyway!!?? When I finally took my first drag off the cigarette in Broome, I was remarkably transposed back into my real self. Or is my real self the grumpy-controlling guy who craves nicotine? Answers. I need answers and a cigarette…
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It is long way from Darwin to Perth |
The Journey
Aside from the disaster of nicotine withdrawal, it was a nice trip from Darwin to Broome.
One big help is that Jon and Carina can cook. It is surprising that Tony and I didn’t starve from Alice to Darwin because we both lack the desire to cook anything that takes more than 2 minutes. Our normal dinner or tea or whatever you would like to call it, consisted of peanut butter sandwiches and crisps or chips or territree or whatever. But Jon and Carina did stir-frys, chili, sausage with curry, etc. Heaven.
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The Group at Broome Beach |
We made it down to Broome and opted to stay there for a week since the weather was beautiful and the beach was incredible. It was nice not having to roll up the sleeping bag and pack up the tent every day.
Broome was great. Really small city, but you go for the beach and not the nightlife. The waves were perfect for bodysurfing, and the water was a warm as bathwater and the most beautiful shade of blue that I have ever seen.
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Camel Ride on Broome Beach |
We did do a touristy thing and did a camel ride on the beach. I almost laughed myself right off the camel’s saddle because we trekked right through the nudist beach. But God Bless the Nudist. They had no shame. They didn’t try to cover up when a group-load of tourist passed through. Now that is Naked in Oz! Rock on Nudists!
Final Words
Health. This is most important. When you are healthy, nirvana follows. I did jog along the beach when I was in Broome and felt its positive effects for a day or so. I need to get back to being healthy and give up my possession of nicotine. But for right now, at this moment, it is a crutch that is keeping me propped upright.
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Sunset, Broome Beach |
Due to being grumpy most of the time, the only items to be dumped on The Buddha’s Striptease: Naked in OZ Tour 2001″©2001 are some socks I gave to Jon and my hair that I shaved off in Darwin. My hair is coming back to haunt me now.
Next Topics:
All About Eve, Return of the Red and the Journey’s End.
