Are You Wearing Long Johns? - Alberta, Canada

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Are You Wearing Long Johns?

Alberta, Canada


It is my second winter in Canada - one in the west, one in the east. Growing up in very temperate New Zealand, the weather held no fascination. It was either raining or it wasn't. Simple.

But now I have joined the entirety of Canada in the obsession of the weather. It is so ingrained into the culture that I just don't understand why people aren't that interested when I call home! I guess you really need to have lived here to understand.

The First Stage of Freezing

If it's less than -14° Celsius, you'll know it. Breathe in, your snot crinkles and it feels funny. Laugh! You may think you are a kid again! Your legs are aware that the air temperature is cold - depending on that important deciding factor: Are you wearing long johns?

The Second Stage of Freezing

It's cold. The warmth of the building you left is starting to become a distant memory. The scarf over your face is becoming wet with your breath. The moisture seeps upwards. Your eyes are running. Your eyelashes freeze together. You bring your mitts out of your pockets so you can rub your eyes to free them to open properly (Mascara is a bad idea). Your upper cheeks feel like they are getting frostbitten (even with Vaseline smeared on). You can still move your legs, although, not surprisingly, they are cold.

The Third Stage of Freezing

It's still cold. Chances are, it's a beautiful clear day and that makes it infinitely better than a cold, overcast day. Look on the bright side! Now is the time that the novelties of freezing snot and eyelashes are wearing thin. Your legs keep going only by the little voice in your head. Your pace is slowing - it's a battle of mind over matter. The skin on your legs starts to feel every little sensation - the seams rub against you, scratching your skin so you expect to see ugly red lines on them. You are incredibly aware of your underwear, aware too, of the wind whipping past your legs - of your warm upper body protected from the harsh conditions with a warm jacket - aware of your mind telling your body to take a few more steps. You're nearly there.

You want to stop, even if it's freezing. Moving again after waiting at traffic lights can be a challenge. Hopefully, your target building is within reach.

Other Interesting Factors

Cameron Lake, Waterton Lakes National Park, Alberta

The temperatures at which you freeze are different depending on where you are. I still haven't made it to the far north where the sun doesn't rise though I note on Environment Canada's website, it was minus fifty in Yellowknife recently. In the Rockies it is dry. In Ontario the same temperature feels twice as cold and generally has more wind chill. Aha! Wind chill - how cold it really feels. Always assume it will feel colder than what the forecast says. If you're in a dry place like Alberta, watch out for dry, dry and even more dry skin - and blood noses - and headaches from the Chinook winds which sweep through and bring the temperatures up for a week or so.

All that said - Canada is wonderful! It's the wide open spaces and proximity to great outdoor activities that make me love it so much. The summer more than makes up for the long, frigid winter. Besides, it's that cold weather that makes the snow so good!

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