The Reluctant Toilet
Mexico
Inevitably, if you travel in Mexico, sooner or later – and probably sooner – you will find yourself staring down one of its more common hazards: The Reluctant Toilet.
I recently found myself doing battle with a particularly cranky instrument in the town of La Peñita, about forty miles north of Puerto Vallarta. When faced with this situation, it’s important to know what to do, and what not to do.
First of all, never provoke The Reluctant Toilet. Don’t challenge it. Just don’t. If you pick a fight, you will lose. In my experience, The Reluctant Toilet can be tamed, but never conquered. Proceed slowly, cautiously, and always be gentle.
I’ve sometimes found positive reinforcement helps. If you can manage to persuade The Reluctant Toilet to choke down anything of consequence, a few kind words of encouragement directed its way might help. A simple “Good going!” or “Nice down!” could make a world of difference with its disposition.
This then brings us back to “what not to do.” Shoving extravagant amounts of toilet paper down its throat is essentially a declaration of war, a war you are ill-equipped to wage. Ever notice why every toilet in Mexico has a plastic-lined waste basket next to it? That’s why. As indelicate as it may seem at first, if you’re planning to spend any amount of quality time with The Reluctant Toilet, that’s where the paper goes. All of it.
Still, old habits die hard. Even knowing this there will be times when you accidentally and/or reflexively toss the paper into the testy vessel. When this happens, you have no choice in the matter. You have only one option.
Beg.
A small prayer might also be in order. Whatever your spiritual persuasion, toss pride out the window, or down the toilet as it were, and plead with The Reluctant Toilet to take one for the team.
In the end, should you lose the battle, don’t wallow in shame. Remember you’re on holiday. Chin up and walk away. And, if you happen to be staying in a place with a housekeeper, leave a very, very generous tip.
