Japanese Kids Say the Darndest Things

My 4th graders after making tofu in cooking class.

Japanese kids are some of the most interesting beings you will ever know. Aside from the fact that they’re travel-size and brimming with energy, they’re also funny in an entirely different way than their Western counterparts. Being an English teacher in Japan is by far the easiest way to live and work in Japan. If you’re already past the job hunting phase and have secured yourself a cushy seat in gaijin (foreigner) stardom, then there are some tricks you should know about the trade.

• Bugs are cute. Not just ladybugs and butterflies, but beetles, scorpions and cockroaches. Both boys and girls collect them, play with them and dote on them. Don’t be offended if your students give you a hairy caterpillar. The grosser/scarier it is, the more he/she likes you!
• You will get poked in the bum…a lot. This game is called Kancho and became wildly famous several years ago from a popular anime show called Naruto. Take this as a sign of affection. The more you resist, the harder they’ll go at it since there is just nothing funnier than a big Westerner doubling over himself. I found tickling them a good way to counteract the finger attack.
• “Rock, Paper, Scissors” or Janken is the law. In elementary schools, no one lives above it–not you, not me and definitely not the principal. The competitions are fierce with the whole class surrounding the battlers. Not only is this a game with hands, but it also involves their whole bodies as they throw themselves in the circles. Tell them about the English version and they’ll be amazed that the game exists in other countries since they think that it was invented in Japan.
• You are odd. At least to Japanese kids who might be meeting a foreigner for the first time. If you are ethnic, they will pull your hair. If you are blond, they will pull your hair. If you are tall, they will cling to your legs. If you are overweight or even average weight (it may seem slightly overweight by Japanese standards), then you will get poked. On more than several occasions, I’ve been complimented on my “small head.” Japanese kids are just downright curious by the Western physique.
• You are famous. Be prepared to give a thousand autographs to all the kids in your elementary school. Even better if you can draw a little figure (a bug maybe?) alongside your name. You’ll be the coolest kid in school.

If you can learn to lose all sense of humility and embarrassment, then Japanese kids will make you laugh so hard and will teach a few things along the way. Most importantly, don’t judge what they say or do by kids in your country. The things mentioned above may be strange or even inappropriate in your respective country, but it is done with the same good intentions and affection as Western children.