New York City, USA – December 1999

(drum roll please…)

Ladies & gentlemen, travelers young and old, at home and abroad: I now bring you a monumental event, a not-to-be-missed, one-time-only presentation: the Final and Last Ever New York City Update of the Millennium. And, if either the religious fanatics or the Y2K extremists have an inkling of an idea what they’re talking about – and I think we all know the answer to that one – perhaps the Final and Last New York City Update, Ever). Why, incidentally, do those bunker builders, etc, always seem to be American? But I digress…

Here you have it: New York City, December 1999. Has there ever been a better time to be here? Now you can experience the city in all its cliche “When Harry Met Sally” splendor, and if you stick around long enough you can take in the Judgement Day rioting as well.

That’s right – the first few weeks of this month will be like any festive holiday season in the Big Apple: sidewalks lined with Christmas trees, Salvation Army Santa’s on each corner, bustling shoppers loaded down with packages. From the fairy-light encrusted token booths to the vendors roasting chestnuts, New York is at its best. Not to mention New Yorkers get uncharacteristically friendly with holiday spirit (although I hold out that on the whole, we’re not an unfriendly bunch to begin with). Even I have been surprised by the number of spontaneous subway conversations and casual street exchanges that start to happen once the street musicians start playing “Winter Wonderland” on their steel drums.

So, where do you go to partake in that festive feeling? You’re almost obligated to swing by Rockefeller Center at 50th Street between 5th and 6th Avenues. Walk down the angel lined path to the skating rink, where packed-in couples romantically collide under the brightly lit Rockefeller Tree.

If you have $70 and an unquenchable thirst for the ludicrous, round the corner to Radio City Music Hall and take in one of New York’s most prized and ridiculous holiday traditions: the Rockette’s Christmas Spectacular.

Otherwise, swing over to Lexington Avenue and immerse yourself in the sea of frenzied upscale shoppers at Bloomingdale’s. The atmosphere is unique, although the Christmas windows are not as acclaimed as those at Macy’s, down on 34th Street by Penn Station.

If you need to retreat from the cold for a while, or if you’re so sick of holiday cheer that you’d rather see a dismembered cow than another cute little Keepsake Ornament, good news! Dismembered cows (really just one) are on the program at the Brooklyn Art Museum’s controversial exhibit, “Sensation!”. It’s just a short subway ride to the museum in Brooklyn’s Prospect Park, and well worth it for a look at the collection that sent our Mayor Dearest into an uproar. (We can’t have people looking at disturbing art! They might start to think! And who knows what could happen after that – they could start to notice things, like how underfunded the public schools are! But again, I digress.)

At the end of the day, warm up with dinner or just a hot drink and some excellent cake at Cafe Mona Lisa, 282 Bleeker Street.

All this touching Hallmark Special wonder begins to wane, sadly, around the 25th, when holiday season magic will make that inevitable transition into mayhem. Should you choose to be part of it, you’ll find company to celebrate with you just about everywhere (including the whole New York City Police Force!). The official and largely useless website for the occasion has handy links such as how to order $500 tix to the party on the Intrepid, and the story of the new Waterford crystal ball. Ahh, Giuliani, let no one say you weren’t in touch with the common citizen.

The central countdown, of course, will take place in Times Square, where there will be a montage of musical guests, a display of “oversized processional puppets” (?), a stunning laser light show, and – less advertised but more dependably – a whole lot of vomit. Start standing in place around the 10th. Not my choice for bringing in the New Year, but to each his own.

That about wraps it up for 1999. I’ll see you (God and Windows willing) in 2000. Have a happy holiday season, and may your New Year be hangover, looting, and Armageddon free.

Cheers!

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