London has been the traveller's European equivalent of Mecca for centuries. This has more to do with stereotypic culture than a very tenuous link with curries.

Most British, er, English people (sorry, I completely ignored the EU) think that London is full of 'soft' people that earn lots of money by exploiting those who live outside it, believe the streets are paved with McDonald's burger wrappers because they don't eat enough lard and mushy peas, and all want to live there in order to make more money in a week than they could earn in a month - and then spend it, on interesting things like rent, faster than they earned it.

Foreigners, on the whole, have a totally different perspective. I must admit to being quite perplexed by the positive opinions and expectations of visitors to our city. It is ourselves that have created the problem, the myth that London is the most cosmopolitan, historical and regal capital city in the world. We do this for one simple reason - it feeds our xenophobia by convincing us that everywhere else in the world just doesn't compare to the glory of England, and London in particular.

Let's get something straight - London is not cosmopolitan. Segregation is the rule here, and on every street the uneasy undercurrent of forced racial and cultural coexistence thrives. Insularity rules, alien cultures only embrace of England what is required and discard the rest. The English on the other hand, tend to innately reject everything that is alien, and constantly complain about the erosion of our native culture. We're not racist, just paranoid, although perhaps the same can be said for everyone else living here too.

London is indeed ancient. Thanks to a few farsighted Romans, the urban sprawl continues to thrive today. We still use some of their drains, and although successive inhabitants, most notably the Victorians, have attempted to improve upon them, on the whole they have just created a utopia for rats. Progress frightens us, old buildings - no matter how ugly or ruined - are always considered superior to their modern counterparts. The City itself contains some strange yet commonly occurring anomalies - medieval churches next to Seventies concrete car parks - although perhaps the latter now command the more substantial congregation.

According to history, London was bombed by the German Luftwaffe in World War II, although quite where in London this occurred is now quite impossible to ascertain. The docks of the old East End have disappeared and majestic towers of commercialism have appeared in their place, and the inner city housing was replaced with blocks of ugly 'flats' in the 60s and 70s. Thankfully these have now been replaced with modernised apartments. In England, 'modernised' is short for central heating with occasional hot running water.

London is almost boundless. I'm sure visitors find this very confusing - they enthusiastically step off trains and coaches in the City itself, visit a few tourist attractions, get confusing directions from the natives and end up on the platforms of remote Underground stations when they should have been in Hyde Park at least four hours ago.

Now, I bet you're all thinking that I must hate the place, but fortunately I do not. London has it all, although sometimes you have to look quite hard for it. Follow the tourist trail and be prepared for a superficial and financially challenging experience. Stand still and really look around you and you'll find a city bursting with life, and although often suppressed, it is definitely there. London can be as romantic as Paris, as challenging as New York, as tolerant as San Francisco, or as cosmopolitan as Toronto. Just beware of digging too deeply, for you might be surprised at what you find.

Anyway, the worst person to ask anything about London is a Londoner.

We only live here you know.

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