Three snowstorms in short succession had buried the city, and it took almost ten days to clean up the mess and get things moving again, at a cost to the city of several million dollars. The Montreal method of snow removal is ingenious, and is the envy of many northern cities, some of whom, like Moscow, have sent delegations here to study it. It's also bloody expensive.

The process is basically this: half a day before a street is to be plowed, signs go up giving people a 12-hour window during which they cannot park on one side of the street (the side that will be plowed). When the time comes, a convoy moves down the street lead by a tow truck, who blares a distinctive horn if it encounters a car parked on the side that is about to be plowed. If no bathrobe-clad resident comes slipping out of their house within a minute or two, the car is towed away.

Next comes a small sidewalk plow or two, which buzz around like worker bees, pushing the snow from the sidewalk onto the street. Then a larger plow comes and shoves the whole thing into a huge mountain of snow that runs the length of the street, right in the middle, like some long Himalayan mountain range.

Finally, the most remarkable thing appears - a monster size snow blower creeps along the street scooping up the mountain range and blowing it into a huge truck that's creeping alongside it. When the truck is full, the snowblower pauses while the truck drives away and is replaced by an empty truck. After a good snowfall, a truck will fill up every couple of blocks.

Full trucks drive to one of many snow dumps around the periphery of the city. Some snow is dumped into abandonned quarries, and some is dumped into special sewer grates where the snow melts and is sent through the city's water treatment system.

You can just imagine how much an operation like that costs, but at least it gets rid of the snow, instead of just piling it up like they used to in the old days, when ten and fifteen foot snowbanks were the norm.

So here we are, a week-and-a-half after the worst snow dump in years, and it's 12° C out there! There's maybe two shovel-fuls of snow on my whole block! Everything not trucked away has melted in the mild temperatures, just days after spending millions of dollars on the snow clearing operation.

Perhaps it would be cheaper to just subsidize trips to Cuba for city residents, instead of removing the snow that's destined to melt soon anyway. Hey, I'd go for that! Package deals to resorts in Cuba are cheap in February, often as low as CAN$600, all included (even the plane ticket). Strike out on your own and it can be even cheaper.

Which leads me to this month's theme.... How to be a true Montrealer in March: Go to Cuba!

Montreal in March - Hit the Beaches!
This month's dispatch is directed mainly at our American neighbours to the south, those unfortunate souls who do not have access to the wonderful Island of Cuba because of some silly political events that have lead to what President Clinton himself has referred to as the stupidest embargo in history.

As if an old fart with a beard presents any threat to the USA. Yeah right. The only reason why Castro became a "communist" in the first place was because the Americans were being rude after his revolution turfed them out, so he needed somebody to align with, and the Soviets were more than happy to throw money at the little island, in return for access to such a strategically important location.

It's a bit like when you start pushing your kid brother around, and next thing you know he's hanging around with those tough kids down the block who have been eyeing your new bike. Well duh! What did you expect him to do?

Unfortunately, the US political system is largely run by pre-Cambrian dinosaurs, most of whom are still trying to get over the civil war. The younger ones are busy trying to figure out what that Kruschev fella is up to, and to them, Gorbachev is a cheap brand of Vodka.

Don't believe me? Even that young whippersnapper George D. (Dubya) Bush, who wants to be the next President, is befuddled that people are complaining about his alma mater, Bob Jones University, which has a rule against inter-racial dating among students. Exactly which new century are we starting?

OK, politics aside, this is your guide to being an American in Havana (or anywhere else in Cuba). I won't go into details about accomodation or food or getting around, you'll have to do all that research yourself. This is just about how to get there and how to get back.

Montreal: Gateway to Cuba
There are no commercial flights between the USA and Cuba, due to the embargo. For the rest of the world, going to Cuba is no different than going to Jamaica or Puerto Rico or any other Caribbean destination, aside from it being far less expensive - there's nothing political about it. If you're under the impression that the rest of the world is against Cuba, get over it.

You may be surprised to hear that it is not illegal for Americans to visit Cuba. It is illegal to trade with Cuba, and strictly speaking it is illegal to spend any money there, but simply going there is not against any provisions of the embargo.

More than 60,000 Americans visited Cuba in 1995. About 20% visited "legitimately" through a few organized educational tours or as journalists or researchers, but most visited by entering through another country, usually Mexico or Canada.

From Canada, either Toronto or Montreal are the cities of departure. I suggest Montreal, because that way I have a reason for writing this dispatch. Plus you might take a few days on either side of your sunny holiday to get to know this city as well.

Cubans love American visitors. Specifically, they love your American greenbacks. Cuban authorities will not stamp your passport - they want you to come back! And don't worry about leaving a paper trail of credit card transactions, because credit cards issued from an American bank are worthless in Cuba anyway.

Most transactions in Cuba are done in cash, preferably American. Most large hotels and restaurants (and major services) accept credit cards, but only if they are not issued from an American bank. You may want to use traveller's cheques, in which case do not use American Express. Thomas Cook works well. Whatever type you use, you should wait until you get to Canada before you buy your traveller's cheques, although you should get them in American currency.

If you plan to visit Cuba by way of Canada, you shouldn't tell the people at customs that this is your plan. As you enter Canada, just say you're visiting Montreal for a week or two. When you go home at the end of your trip, tell American customs that you spent the whole time in Montreal. You can easily get away with this if you follow a few basic guidelines: