Current Happenings
Sometime you will be in New York, and this situation will undoubtedly arise: you will be enjoying a walk through the city streets, bewildered by the long vertical lines of buildings and the blurring streaks of people walking by you. And then, penetrating your excitement, your bladder will send you a sharp, urgent message, which now makes the city more dizzying than ever, as
you must seek out relief.
So you walk around, looking for a place to go. As you pass by the storefronts, you
will notice that most of them will guard their doors with signs which say "bathroom for customers only"
and so you will walk on awkwardly, as you adjust your muscular grips in the groin, and you will quicken
your pace only to exacerbate the pain.
Finally, you decide to go to a diner, this time disregarding the signs. "Man, it's an emergency!" you plead. On rare occasions, I do see this
method of persuasion work, and as if I had witnessed a miracle, the clouds part to let in rays of light, and I
am overcome by a warm feeling of hope and redemption for my fellow man.
But as you may or may not know, kind souls in New York are few, and the assholes constitute the many. If you just want to get the business done, and you settle for going to the nearest bar or restaurant, you face the challenge of making the desperate dash. To simply ask will be futile. The answer is always no. So your course of action is very simple. Pretend you are looking for someone while you look for that bathroom door. And then, make a run for it. By then it would be too late for them to say anything. If the
situation should get that far, then, in a polite manner, ask would they kindly remove the stick from their rectal
area?
In the more touristy sections of the city you can keep an eye out for the big chain stores like Starbucks, Barnes and Noble,
or K-mart, Burger King or McDonald's which offer nice public facilities. Smaller, private places often keep a bathroom key which you must ask for. It would help to know beforehand where they leave or hang this precious key, which at times can be the most valuable thing in the universe. Then you make a dash for the key, then, a dash for the WC - a difficult two part process.
If you need the refer to a directory of public washrooms in the city, I present the following:
The Best Public Toilets in New York
New York Toilet Guide
And I would like to make known my own personal favorites, which have saved my bladder many a day in locations where public restrooms are sparse.
East Village
Sidewalk Cafe -In a place barren of McDonald's, or any other such chain stores, the far reaches of the East Village, the toilet oasis lies in the Sidewalk cafe. In fact, the only virtue that the Sidewalk cafe posseses is it's location in the heart of the East Village, and it's accessability to bladder relief.
But what a grand virtue it is, as this place has saved me more than once after being rudely turned away by other establishments in the area. It's located at 3rd Street and Avenue A and is open at all hours of the day. It's a pretty big and busy cafe so you can just make your way straight through the bar area and head downstairs. God help you if the emergency is of type #2 as the toilets here aren't the cleanest. As for the women's lounge, I can only say that I have seen women go in there to use it.
Anywhere
Sidewalk - In a place barren of McDonald's or any other such chain store, you might just have to use the sidewalk. It is safer to do this in the middle of the night when you have less crowds and the cover of darkness. The best areas are secluded streets with stairs leading to a basement storage area. Just decend the stairs and pee away! Be careful though, as a fine could cost in the hundreds if you are caught.
NoHo
Angelica Film Center -The Angelica Film center toilets are the gleaming jewels of toilets in Noho area. Amongst the well pee-ed, this is place is renown. Located at Mercer and Houston
(pronounced house-ton), the toilets are located in the café and are open to everybody regardless of whether you are a ticket holder or just a full bladdered tourist.
SoHo
Soho Grand Hotel -
This is on Grand and West Broadway. Perfectly situated in another place where public toilets are scarce, you just walk past the front desk and continue down the back corridor (if memory serves) and you will find nice pristine porcelain eager to accept your precious offerings.
As for current happenings:
June 10 - Blondie plays live at Madison Square Garden. Probably not the quaintest place to see New York's grandmother rock band, but it's Blondie after all and you will hear them perform the classics.
June 11 - Party at my house! I don't know who's birthday it is, but it's gonna be LARGE! Email me for directions.
Continuous - Star Wars at the Zigfield theatre. Don't see it at any other place.
Questions?
If you want more information about this area you can email the author or check out our North America Insiders page.
