Not everyone has the opportunity to scour the Midwest for interesting or amusing things to do, so to wrap up this road trip guide, I've got for the busy traveler a quick list of the best trips to take depending on your mood. The four basic trips (hotel, houseguest, camper, and hourly) could be almost anything, but I have gathered here what I think are the essentials.
Hotel Trip:
Gaylord Opryland Hotel
Nashville, TN
I'll be the first to admit that this hotel is not an economically wise choice unless you have some kind of juicy blackmail on, say, Donald Trump. But the way I see it, if you're going to stay in a hotel, make it a Hotel.
The Gaylord Opryland is probably better described as a resort than a hotel, and it's hard to picture if you're already thinking of a traditional inn. Clear your mental slate and start over: the building itself covers nine acres. Inside four humongous glass atriums, you'll find, amongst other things, lush plant life, streams and waterfalls, pathways, benches, and a "scenic indoor river". Premium view rooms have a balcony that opens to the atrium - there's no need for outdoor scenery because there's a sensory overload inside. Aside from the constant 72 degree climate, it's easy to forget you're even in a building.
Rooms start at just under $200 a night, but if you're looking to pamper yourself or your family, you can't do much better than this. There is a kiddie resort if you want to leave your kids in daycare, there are bars and restaurants and shows in various places, the service is impeccable and it would be a challenge to wake up any other way than refreshed in the morning. Definitely a splurge, but it's a great place to relax, alone or with your family.
Houseguest Trip:
Chicagoland
Chicago, IL and the surrounding area
One of the best things about staying with a friend when you travel is the built-in tour guide feature. Your host can tell you what to wait in line for and what to skip, which restaurants to eat at and where to shop in a trustworthy way that no guidebook can beat. Chicago is a fascinating city, and a big one, and there is simply too much to do in one visit to get it all in. I've been so distracted by one tourist thing or another (namely, the Magnificent Mile) on previous visits that I ended up wondering what I spent all my time doing. Chicago has, like some other cities, a really, really interesting suburban area, referred to as Chicagoland. While navigating through the suburbs you will find a native useful for more than anything else. This is also a great trip to take with friends, as there are enough things to do and see that no one will feel left out.
Camper Trip:
Mammoth Cave National Park
Cave City, KY
Camper trips, for me, are all about communing with nature and yourself. Whether you're alone or with close friends, once you pitch a tent you've entered a world without cars, pollution, or indoor plumbing, and you have to look inside yourself for entertainment and conversation.
While there are many national parks in the Midwest, I like MCNP because of, well, the caves. In addition to all the regular park stuff, like hiking and biking and camping, there is a huge system of underground caves to explore on various tours. Plus, by the time you get to Cave City, you are very, very far away from civilization as we know it. The remoteness of it all brings to mind an old Hoosier saying: "At least we're not Kentucky!"
Hourly Trip:
St. Louis, MO
Why does St. Louis have such broad appeal? It seems to be the number one place that young people around here tend to drop everything to head toward, even just for a few hours. Years ago I knew one group of friends, on their way home from counseling at a summer camp, who decided on the fly to drive four hours west to the arch instead of one south, without telling anyone; this was probably a whole lot of fun until their car broke down on the East side (typically one of the more dangerous neighborhoods) and they had to call in some angry parents for help. In any event, it's a popular destination, and there are things to do ranging from strolling in a botanical garden to riding riverboats. Plus, the St. Louis Arch is really a sight that pictures do no justice to. See it for yourself, ride up in it, then turn around and go home. It's a great way to spend a day.
While those four may be the basic trips, there are plenty more reasons people get up and go. Here are some other reasons to pack your car and gas up.
The Best:
Trip to take to hear good music:
Champaign, Illinois
Okay, so maybe I'm a little biased as to what "good music" is, but I don't think I'm alone in this. Any major city (Indianapolis, Chicago, St. Louis, Nashville) in the Midwest will get major acts from time to time, so if you've ever paid actual money to see Britney Spears in concert, skip this one and hit Ticketmaster.
Champaign is home to the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, which explains the multitude of indie rock acts that pass through, as you'll find that in most every college town. But it's not every college town that gets really big indie acts, and that's something a lot of people will drive a long way for. Past performers have included Dianogah and Aerial M, and Blonde Redhead will make an appearance this coming fall. This is really exciting to certain geeks, including me.
Trip to take with your significant other:
New Harmony, IN
Or should I say "Historic New Harmony"? This tiny slice of the past, so small you can stand underneath the lone traffic light, look around, and see the whole thing, was the site of two experiments in communal living in the 1800s. Call it Utopia or call it Paradise - that's what the locals did. But studying history with your sweetie might dampen your romantic experience, so I would suggest a walk through the actual labyrinths or to Harmonie State Park, just south of town. When you're tuckered out, head to the Red Geranium for refreshment - it's a classy but casual restaurant with really good food. After that, retire to the New Harmony Inn, just above. A lot of weddings take place in the Roofless Church, an open air structure conducive to a ceremony, and the quietness of the whole town make a perfect getaway for a couple.
Trip to take if you want to gamble:
Casino Aztar
Evansville, IN
Even in the conservative Midwest, there is no shortage of places to lose money, but I recommend the Casino Aztar, or the Evansville Riverboat, for a few reasons. First, I find it hysterically funny that corporations get around 'no gambling' laws by building a casino on the water. Second, if you are itching to see stereotypes fulfilled, I can tell you this is the place to go. It's a nice big boat, yes, and there are plenty of slots and tables, but the carpet is so wild you want to hurl before you ever have a drink and the people are... well, they're walking stereotypes. Go on a Tuesday night and play with the really hardcore housewives, and you'll see what I mean. Casino Aztar also has the traditional eating and drinking type things, but it's people watching that will get you in Evansville.
Trip to take just to say you've been there:
Graceland
I can't imagine why anyone would begrudge the King an hour of his time to wander through the Graceland Mansion with a herd of Elvis fanatics. He rocked, he rolled, and now you can see where his parents slept for $20. Stroll through several rooms these days and gape at never-before-seen materials like (gasp!) Elvis' personal office desk, ogle his massive collection of gold records and the like, and if you get real close to his grave, maybe the King will whisper the key to success to you from six feet down...
That is, if he's really dead in the first place.
Graceland is the crème de la crème of kitsch. If that's not reason enough to go, I can't think of a better one.
Trip to witness the apex of weirdness in Midwest culture:
Terra Haute, IN
Although Terra Haute is a relatively average Indiana town and I am a Hoosier through and through, I cannot stop rolling my eyes at one of the strangest dating rituals I've heard yet. Legend has it that (and this is the abridged version) some guy died in Terra Haute a long time ago, and his dog, Stiffy, was so overcome with grief at his master's departure that he up and kicked the bucket, too.
That's the whole legend; the rest is fact. The family decided to have Stiffy stuffed and placed inside the guy's mausoleum. There's a fuzzy spot concerning the why here, but it eventually became the habit of dating teenagers to pay a visit to Stiffy, shine a flashlight on him, and leave. Urm. Unfortunately for teenagers everywhere, vandals shot one of poor Stiffy's glass eyes out, and he was moved to the Historical Museum of the Wabash Valley. Although you can't go see Stiffy at night on your first date anymore (restrain your snickering, please), you can head to 1411 S. Sixth St. in Terra Haute between 1 and 4 pm, Tuesday through Sunday, and pay your respects there.
Questions?
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