And the sad thing is that most of these comments came from quite eminent and respected professors, who really should know better. The average man on the bus I met whilst in London had no more idea about who to vote for in the local elections than where or what Brazil is. I told one guy whom I was meant to be meeting that I went to work everyday in a dug out boat and he believed me.

Its insane, and enough to drive a man to drink - which is exactly what I did a few Sundays ago. So, without further ado, and at considerable risk to my own ailing liver I am proud to present the guide to my favorite watering holes in Fortaleza. I have tried to rate each place, but towards the end I am not sure you can rely on my subjectivity.

OK, it's 10am Sunday morning and I am already hung over. I need to start the day with a breakfast of champions so we jump in the car and head off towards Praia do Futuro - which is about a 15-minute drive or a 30-minute bus ride from the town center.

Driving right to the end of the road where the river meets the sea you leave the car with the young attendant and head off away from the main road along the beach. After a few minutes you come to the point the river crosses the sea. For 50 cents you can nip across the river in the ancient boat. Swimming is not advisable as the current is a killer - literally. There will be a barraca facing you, which as it stands alone. It goes by the lovely name of Caca e Pesca. I always go for my normal breakfast of 20 oysters (US$4) and an icy cold beer (50 cents). Not only does it set you up for the day, it does wonders for your hangover and as the place is always deserted you can ease into things gently.
Philip's rating: Great place, lots of shade, fantastic oysters, quiet and romantic. 5 lobster rating.

Next, after back tracking to the main road (Av. Zezé Diogo) which will take about 15 minutes by foot (or three hours if you have had a particularly boozy breakfast) you are assaulted by more barracas then you can shake a stick at. Normally, the next stop on my list is America Sol, (Av. Zezé Diogo, 4265 Praia do Futuro, 234.6461) which is a humble little place jammed in-between two more lively bars.

Specialty of the house seems to be carne do sol (a funky little Brazilian dish which consists of meat which has been salted then left to dry in the sun. The taste is quite unlike any other meat I have ever had and was recently described by a English friend as the best meat he had ever tasted) and, my personal favorite dish Baião de Dois, which is a rice dish made with beans and cheese. As like every where else in Brazil the portions are for two (fat) people and will set you back the shockingly sensible amount of about US$4. Washed down with several ice cold Antarctica beers and you are well on your way.
Philip's rating: 3.5 lobsters (not so much shade, showers not so good and my girlfriend nearly got robbed here once).

Staggering on the next place of note (well, actually, all the places are great along here) is the fiendishly difficult to pronounce Itapariká (Av. Zezé Diogo, 6801, Praia do Futuro, 234.6061 - 234.004). This is one of the larger places on the beach and is aimed more at families and groups. It has a lively atmosphere, tables inside and on the beach and often-live music. It's a great place to eat the local crab, drink caiprinihas (the local poison made of fermented sugar cane which is mixed with crushed ice, lime and sugar) and relax. The only drawback is that the place is packed on Sundays often with tourists. It does, however, have a funky little shop that sells some of the nicest t-shirts in town. The good menu, friendly service and crabs win it a 4.5 lobster rating (it would have got 5 but its always packed and I like quieter places).

Next, and my final stop at Praia Futuro on my normal Sunday stroll is the legendry, the magnificent, the unique, the wondrous Biruta (Av. Zezé Diogo, 566 Praia do Futuro 265-1399) which means crazy or mad. OK, so sometimes the beer is warm (a cardinal sin), the service can be indifferent and it's always packed but it does have some redeeming features, namely the best kibe (a Lebanese dish made with, I think, chick peas and then fried) for about US$1, the coolest sound system on the planet and the girls with the smallest bikinis in the known universe. I don't know what it is about this place, but every time I am there the bikinis seem to get smaller and smaller.

For this alone I give it a 5 lobster rating - my trusted drinking companion gives it 3 as she is not into chicks (more the pity). Should you get bored with the somewhat limited menu then often on the beach in front of the bar you can stop a wandering lobster seller and buy some of these delicious beasties for the princely sum of 3 for US$5 (now try telling me Brazil isn't cool).

If I can drag myself away from here, which is as common as rocking horse excrement these days, I head on back to the city and the main drag of Beira Mar. The first bar you will come to, which is conveniently located opposite the world's best ice-cream shop (50 flavors - all of which are sublime) is called, rather aptly, Baracca 1. This has to be one of my favorite water holes in Brazil, if not the world (anyone else remember A bar in Kyoto??). It seems to be the forgotten bar as every time I am there it's empty and I have to wake the owner up.

Why is it so special? It has the ultimate romantic setting of being tucked away on a forgotten corner of the beach, next to the harbor for the local boats and tables romantically placed on the beach and apart from the snores of the owner you are more often than not alone. If you speak nicely to him he may even rustle up some delicious fried cheese balls for about US$3.

I would normally award this a 5 lobster rating, but I once got conned into paying R$2 for a coconut here which is absolutely outrageous. I also take off a point for the fact I always get outrageously drunk here, end up going skinny dipping and embarrassing both myself and my girlfriend.

Next I stagger the 3 or so kilometers along Beira Mar passing up any number of untold delicious things and bars in search of another legendary drinking experience - Cais Bar (Calçadão da Praia de Iracema,200 - Praia de Iracema , 231-4963) Again, this place has its failing; dodgy toilet, dodgy beer and sometimes it's packed with some ladies of dubious and loose morals who work in a profession much older than mine, but it certainly has a charm of its own and I can often be found slouched in one corner nursing a beer. (It's also my regular Friday night place to have meetings with my students).

By the time I reach here I am already starving again and we dive into the quite comprehensive menu and normally come up with the gem of 'a little piece of heaven' which is a frightfully delicious concoction of chicken stuffed with a thick sauce of ham and cheese which is then rolled into a pancake and deep fried. Stunning, and yours for only US$3 - the food, not the women (but we don't mention the exploits of another travel writer I could mention do we?). Cais bar gets a 4.5 lobster rating too - they loose a bit for only having Brahma beer which gives me a stonking hangover.

Final stop on my normal Sunday beer-athon is the difficult to find, but nevertheless worth making the effort, Cafe Crème which on a Sunday night has a regular jam session. Chairs are dragged out onto the street and a blues band entertains the happy drinkers with everything from Nirvana to the latest Brazillian ditties. As mentioned, the place is quite difficult to find but it is tucked away behind the cultural center on Rua Boris and most of the locals will be able to point you in the right direction. A nice relaxed place for that last beer before you stagger off home in a suitably drunken stupor. Cafe Crème rating: 4 lobsters when I can find it, 3 otherwise.

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