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Also by Maurice

BLACKOUT!

The 66...6

Admired from Afar

The Answer

Ben Nevis Blues

Cherry Jump

Drag Queens

Hello, Your Governess

Hneyksli (Shocker)

Kava King!

Look Both Ways

Mission of Vengeance

Pleased To Meet You

Risky (Sticky) Business

Sorry Charlie



Hello, Your Governess
Brisbane, Australia
By Maurice D. Valentine

Di and Mo, who is having his first go in traditional Australian beachwear.

We walked inside the art show floor and it was strewn with art of various forms and sizes. Most of it sculpture, the art was varied in it's use and had the theme of furniture. Some were pretty interesting, being benches, desks, chairs and such. Yet all had a modern or obscure flare which made one think about it‘s actual use in a practical sense. It was the main theme of sculpture as always – to make one think about the empty space it invades.

That was all fine and dandy, but I immediately zeroed in on the open bar sitting outside on the terrace of the building. The bartender there wore a white coat and bowtie, looking like a doctor. He stood silently as I glided up to him staring at the many choice of free drinks I could have. My eyes came to a bottle of Omni Champagne and he saw me gaze at the tall, dark bottle. "May I?" he said.

I grabbed a glass. "Why of course!" He uncorked the bottle and immediately poured me a drink. While Erik and Diane's mom chatted up with Marc Harrison, whom I had just met a few moments before, I became glued to the rolling bar, consuming as much of this free booze as I possibly could! I mean, opportunities like this just didn't come around very often ,especially for a budget traveler like myself!

Eventually I looked through the crowd and saw the governor. She seemed to be making the rounds chatting with everyone, shaking hands, having her picture taken. She was a large lady, and I had the fleeting thought that she'd bump me back physically a foot or two if she didn't want her picture taken with me. But it was all good – because I knew I could get my photo taken with her. She just didn't have the myriad of bodyguards with heavy guns that you'd normally see with any politician in the States, and looked totally approachable.

The caterer heard my accent earlier, and was curious. "So where ya from, mate – New York, did you say?"

"Yeah, that's right. I'm from the Bronx."

"So is it as dangerous as people say it is?"

"No, it's not as dangerous as you think," I said. "I mean, I grew up in the North Bronx. Where I grew up nothing happens. If someone slept naked in the park behind my mom's house, they'd make the front page of the local paper. It's really a quiet place. Nothing like you'd ever expect." By that time I was explaining myself time and time again about my hometown. It was my first month in Oz by then, and I was used to telling people that my hometown really wasn't a war zone as Charles Bronson's Death Wish 3 made it out to be. That there was some goodness in my hometown that many foreigners would be quite surprised to see, if they only swung up there for a visit.

Soon everyone stopped talking when the Governor stood up on a large podium overlooking the floor, slamming this wooden gavel that appeared out of nowhere to shut everyone up. Everyone quieted down as she began a long-winded speech about the arts in Brisbane. We all stood there as she hulked over the microphone, reading from a speech probably written by her chauffeur. By any politician's standard the speech was way too long, and a bit boring if you ask me. But after she finished she said, "I now declare this art exhibition open," and took the gavel hitting the podium, causing everyone to applaud. Perhaps at the fact that she finished talking? I applauded as well, and that's just when that Woman I Didn't Know approached me, asking me if I belonged to the African Australian Commission of Art!

As she slithered back into the crowd, I worked my way back over to the bar for a top off. I confided in my new friend, the caterer. "Okay pal, as soon as she breaks free of those peeps I'm gonna run over there and get my photo taken." He egged me on – by pointing at another bottle of Omni champagne. I had just finished my first bottle. "Another one? I got a couple more boxes of this stuff and need to get rid of it." He pointed at the floor behind him, there were at least five boxes of Omni Champagne there.

I wasn‘t going to argue with him. "Sure!" He cracked the next bottle open.

So I guess you can say I was really sloshed about a half an hour later when I walked up to the Governor, not knowing just what the hell to say to her. I mean, I didn't even know how to address her. I knew that Australia was part of the Commonwealth of the UK, so what was the exact title I had to address her as? Princess? Madam? Refrigerator?

As soon as some people walked away from her, I stumbled in, working my way through the sea of people. Flute in hand, at a loss for words I might add. "Um, excuse me Your Highness, Your Governess – Er – what should I call you?"

She looked at me without any cause of concern. "Your Excellency."

After the speech: the drinking, the intro, the photo op.

"Oh, um, Your Excellency, I just wanted to say that it's not every day that a kid from the Bronx gets to meet the Governor of Queensland –" she cut me off with a wave of her meaty hand. "You must want my picture!"

"That's right, baby> – I mean, Your Excellency!" Everyone laughed around me, while I stood there and got my photo taken! Oh Geez, my momma wouda been proud!

After a little small talk of her telling me that she actually had some American roots (apparently her family migrated from Vermont to Ontario, Canada, when she was a little girl), I meandered back to Erik and Diane's mom, who had just seen what transpired. Erik was quite impressed. Here was little ol' me from the Boogeydown Bronx meeting a bigwig of the Queensland government! Amazing.

Suddenly I felt a pinch on my butt as Diane came up from behind me. "Can you believe this," Erik said. "He just met the Governor of Queensland!"

"Well whatya know," Di said. "Not bad for the Moman, eh?"

Even in my boozed-up haze I knew how lucky I was. "I know, this trip just seems to be getting better and better. It feels more like a comedy than anything else, though." I told them all what happened with the woman who confused me for a member of the African Australian Commission of Art.

"You should've said yes, and see where it led to," Diane remarked.

Erik laughed saying, "You never know Mo, it could've led to something even bigger than the Governor."

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