Canberra, ACT – May 1999

For many people in Australia, Canberra is an alternative way of spelling “boring”. They associate Canberra with the icons of political Australia, and this is what most tourists come to see.

The most prominent of these being ‘Parliament House’, then come attractions such as the National Gallery, the National War Memorial and the completely man-made and designed Lake Burley-Griffin etc.

I could write about these, but frankly they bore the shit out of me and I’m sure that they would bore the crap out of you too if you happen to get yourself sucked into visiting them.

So, in this edition of BootsnAll – Canberra, I am going to tell you about SEX.

Sex in the City

Unbeknownst to many (and this includes many Australians, not just the average majority of brainwashed tourists – present company excluded), Canberra is also the sex capital of Australia.

Sure, Sydney is big and Melbourne is running a close 3rd, but in proportion to its size, Canberra just takes the cake. If you ask me, I don’t know where all the customers come from and I don’t want to ask. You see the sex industry is legal here. Perhaps it has something to do with the concentration of politicians.

So anyway, when is comes down to it, Canberra is the place to go. Here you will find:

Video Warehouses:

I am talking WAREHOUSES, not stores or shops (even though you will find them as well), but large, aeroplane hanger type buildings which are more full than empty.

This is the place to come if you want to find that rare porno flick that you saw in Thailand about 4 years ago and can’t remember the name of who was in it, but really liked the deep philosophical content of.

Toy Warehouses:

Same as the above but filled with paraphernalia ranging from the ordinary to the bizarre to the highly suspicious.

Bars, Clubs, Pubs:

All with a variety of organisms (that organisms), most of them semi or fully naked and all catering for any gender, orientation, and I’m sure you could find one that caters for any fetish, including Bananas in Pajamas.

Escort Services:

Private or public. Worker comes to you.


Same as above. You go to worker.

S’n’M Parlours:

Not just the fairly unoriginal brothel, but there for emotional and spiritual fulfilment (or so I am told).

A Plethora of Phone Lines:

You to girl, you to guy, guy to guy, girl to girl, on any range of subjects. Some even promise to find you a date. But frankly, Barry Crockers who resort to this to get a date are not going to have any luck anyway.


Now, if you are a little overwhelmed when you arrive, you don’t know where to go first or what to see and you definitely don’t want to walk into places like that yourself, there are tour companies that will take you.

No, really. It is usually a bus trip, and you can make group bookings so you can get all you friends to come along. This is probably the best idea as it means you can drink lots, laugh at your friend’s embarrassment when their lap gets danced on and not have to drive yourself home.

So if you are a different kind of tourist, then I am sure you will be able to find something in Canberra. Just don’t expect to find any cafes open past the public servants’ bedtime (midnight), when you have got the mega munchies, have been up all night exotic dancing and desperately need sustenance.

Next installment I will tell you about the largest Skate Park in the Southern Hemisphere. Which, believe it or not is also near Canberra.

New Parliament House

General Info Section

A note to my mother at this stage; Mum, I don’t know why my

name is on this article, I didn’t write it, I had nothing to do

with it.

I don’t know who did but I have been framed and I definitely don’t know anything about its contents!

Also, a note to the general public. I am not condoning any actions related to the contents of this article.

I do not want to get myself involved with the ethics surrounding the sex industry and I don’t want to get BootsnAll into more trouble than they already make for themselves.

I am just writing to the curious and uninformed about the less well known side of Canberra’s night (or day) life and I leave the debate to more passionate people than myself.

Here are some links to find the more conventional side of Canberra….

Canberra Tourism

Lonely Planet

Guide to the ACT

A-Z of Canberra Sites



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