Tips for Festival Fitness

For all the indulgences, pleasures, recreation and hedonism on offer in Edinburgh right now, opportunities for keeping in shape are surprisingly ample. Oddly yet naturally enough, a daily fitness routine is inherent in August’s festivities, so no true reveler, regardless of how hard- or soft-bodied upon arrival, has an excuse for not being a little fitter once the fireworks have finished in September.

Legs & Cardiovascular

Stair-climbing/Hill-walking

As Edinburgh is a hilly city, if you’re doing one, then you are most likely doing the other. As performance venues, craft fairs, and music and food stands are set up from Princes Street to the Royal Mile and down into the Cowgate and Grassmarket, expect to go back and forth a lot.

The quickest – yet most strenuous – way from Princes Street to the Royal Mile is cutting through the Gardens, then huffing up one of the many paths on Castle Hill. Once at the end of the path, you’re still below the buildings though, so choose from any of the staired closes (Warriston Close and the Writer’s Steps are good choices) and continue up. Repeat as needed.

Hostel Trek

Though some city centre hostels do not accept advance bookings during August, hostels can still fill up quickly, leaving the late arrival or the already-arrived procrastinator with nowhere to bed down. So, with a full pack on trek from hostel to hostel, from the West End of Princes Street, to and down the Royal Mile past the Bridges, resting only whilst inquiring about bed availability. If this isn’t enough of a challenge, go back down the Mile, to Lothian Road, and walk 15-20 minutes to Bruntsfield Crescent, where there’s an IYH.

Abs

Stomach Contraction

Too many fry-ups and pints can, of course, start the middle spreading. Yet drinking is also a great opportunity for a full ab workout, and with pubs licensed until 3 a.m., exercise time is ample. After overdoing your lager limit (see ‘Arms,’ below), either go to the sidewalk outside the pub, or the toilet inside; then stand up as straight as you can, and violently double over. Vomit, count one, and stand up straight again. Repeat until dry heaves subside, or your mates chuck you in a taxi homeward.

Arms

Flier-grab

Walking through the city centre, you will see numerous people handing out fliers. Grab as many as you can, as quickly as possible, to build up your hands and forearms.

Pint-lift

You probably saw that coming, but nonetheless, the pint-lift is the perfect, all-around arm exercise, performed not in reps but in rounds. Set pint on table, lift, drink, set down, and repeat until you either are chucked out of the pub, or decide to switch to the Stomach Contraction.

Coordination

Though not directly physical, coordination exercises better the mind’s ability to guide the body, and for that there is no better exercise than:

Tourist Dodge

Best practiced on Princes Street or the Royal Mile, the Tourist Dodge improves one’s ability to move through a crowd of people who don’t really know where they’re going.

As the Festival proves, fitness and revelry need not be mutually exclusive. So while at the Festival, work out, tank up and have fun.

Reviews in Short

Fist of the Dragon

Despite well-deserved rave reviews, trick swords and the lack of one-on-one and group combat make Fist a slight disappointment for the martial arts enthusiast – but only slight.

As a performance, as entertainment, the grace of the 12-person cast’s movements are beautiful, as fluid as dance and as lethal as battle. The displays of breaking power, such as cement blocks broken with a blow from the head, or wooden beams split in two over a man’s stomach, are a breath-taking testament to the power of Chinese kung fu and qi gong, the arts in which these performers, from China’s Jilin Province, are expert.

Boom Chicago Is Watching

After checking on a ticket offer for one performance, the cast of this show, all of whom hail from the Windy City, convinced me to see their’s instead.

In its third year at the Fringe, Boom Chicago combines audience-fueled improv, prepared sketches, digital cameras and music; along with their sharp wits, they draw blood on American and British culture alike.

Both their 1998 and 1999 appearances received 5 stars (out of five) from The Scotsman – and between songs about donner kebabs, piss-takes of Yanks on home video, and a spoof of the UK’s Channel 4 hit docu-soap Big Brother – it’s obvious why.

I’m still checking to see if my ribs are cracked.