Well, okay, one more. Instead of leaving Oz, Todd decides to fly straight down instead.
Mr. Toad’s Wild and Naked Ride
“Words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup.
They slither while they pass, they slip away across the universe.
Pools of sorrow, waves of joy are drifting through my opened mind,
possessing and caressing me.
Nothing’s going to change my world
Nothing’s going to change my world
Nothing’s going to change my world
Images of broken light which dance before me like a million eyes.
They call me on and on across the universe.
Thoughts meander like the restless wind inside a letterbox.
They tumble blinding as they make their way across the universe.”
– Fiona Apple, “Across the Universe”
I know the Beatles did that song originally, but I think Fiona Apple’s rendition is brilliant: contented reflectiveness. That’s where I am.
This is my last travelogue. I have 10 more days here and could do another travelogue, but this makes #11 and I like 11. My last days here I just plan on vegging out somewhere, doing very little of anything – especially no pondering of the past or the future. Maybe a little Christmas shopping, and meeting up with fellow Bootsnall writer, Sophie Dixon-Box, in Airlie Beach for a good piss-up (check out her OZ travelogue There and Back Again, Maybe). Plus my computer is suffering under traveler’s overload (TO). The modem is frazzled, the keyboard is whacked (so if there are any typos, I blame it on the keyboard) and my digital camera has gone to hell in a handbasket. Maybe time to striptease the whole lot!
I mainly wanna be Sun Buddha in all his glorious here and now and finish David Copperfield, which I started over a month ago. Alas, that doth not for an exciting travelogue make (the piss-up with Sophie might, but haven’t you heard one too many stories about my hangovers already?).
I am so glad I did Mr. Toad’s Ride here in Oz, rather than cashing in an “A” ticket at Disneyland (for the Disneyland-impaired: Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride was a kiddie ride, and back in the 70s – I was only 2 then – you had to use A, B, C, D or E tickets for rides). But with all fun rides, they are over way too soon. Which is a good thing, because if you stay too long on a fun ride, you’ll just puke after awhile. Moderation, it’s a good thing. Or is there an argument to be made for excess? The way I am feeling right now, I could make a hell of an argument. But I sadly know this chapter and book is over, and it is time for me to start a new novel.
I will miss all the Striptease characters and will never forget them.
The Journey
Me and Betty at Australia’s Parliament Building.
After leaving Melbourne, we traveled north in direction of Canberra. We met a few travelers along the way who asked where we were headed, and once we told them “Canberra,” they all responded “Why?” Good slogan that Tourism Canberra should use: “Coming to Canberra? Why?”
We were traveling on a Saturday in our bomb of car called Hannah, when her alternator decided to die. D�j� vu all over again: Tennant Creek, here we come. We were in some podunk town and called roadside assistance. They towed us to a nice little town of about 20,000. Advice to travelers traveling in a questionable car: don’t drive on the weekends. It will just lead to heartache.
After walking all around town and finding all the mechanics out fishing, we found a campsite and just let the answer come. The owner of the campsite had a battery charger and charged Hannah’s battery up for us all night so we might be able to make it to Canberra on Sunday and then have it fixed on Monday. Worked like a dream.
However, I wished we stayed at the campsite (which was really nice) and bypassed Canberra. Nothing against Canberra, but I think any city solely based on government is boring. Try visiting Sacramento, CA, or Albany, NY – there ain’t a whole lot to do there.
At the Opera House
After Canberra, we headed towards Sydney. We arrived in Sydney during the rush hour and it was just a nightmare driving. Nightmare. Worse than NYC. Yup. What made it worse was the hotel we were trying to find was no longer in business (we found that out after 2 hours of driving around and around). So we had to find other accommodation. After finding a place way out in Bondi Beach (cool beach but too noisy), Tony and I experienced Sydney nightlife. GREAT PLACE! Especially Darling Harbor, which I consider the best urban space I have ever seen.
When Tony and I were walking around the harbor at night, 2 women came up to us and asked us if we wanted to dance on the street to the rhythm of the steel drums playing in the background. Well, heck, Sydney IS a friendly city. We said “sure” and were soon samba-ing to the steel drum. The woman told me as we were dancing that it was for a course on “Living Outside Your Comfort Zone”. I thought that was great! I think every person should take that course once in their life, because most of us tend to stay snuggly within the confines of our comfort zone a little too much. I think we would be a lot happier if we all lived our lives every now and then as 3-year-olds.
Man-made rain under the former Olympic Flame at Stadium Australia.
Watch most 3-year-olds in a playground. They don’t hide in fear of being rejected or live their lives in the past or future. They just “are” and are always in the here and now. I want to run around with wild abandon, go up to strangers and make them my best friend in 2.3 seconds and cry my eyes out if I feel like it! 3-year-olds rock! And so do those two women who were stepping outside their comfort zones in Sydney!
The more exploring we did of Sydney by foot, the more I liked the city. It really is beautiful. I was even impressed by the Harbor Bridge and the Opera House, which I really wasn’t expecting because I tend not to like anything that is over-hyped.
The first few days were nice and then, alas, it started to rain. But I was looking on the bright side of life.
We left the city and spent a day up in the Blue Mountains. We took a cable car down a steep slope to get a better view of the scenic Blue Mountains and Three Sisters rock formation. It was almost a vertical drop in this car. Amazing!
The vertical Katoomba Cable Car – hold on!
After leaving the Blue Mountains, we traveled up the coast to Brisbane. I honestly wasn’t in the present then. I was ruminating on my upcoming interview and the end of my adventure. I really didn’t want my ride to end, but I am overloaded.
I would like to think of myself as a wanderer, but I guess I am only a part-time one. I also think doing the whole continent takes a lot out of any traveler (add that to driving across the US in 9 days in Otto back in May, and no wonder I am frazzled). But I have done ‘The Grand Striptease Tour of Oz’ now and can come back and concentrate on a few areas rather than hop from place to place. I’ll be back. There’s no place like Oz.
Fame IS
Don’t ask me questions or I will retreat.
Fame is a cancer and ego its seed.
I wasn’t looking for heaven or hell,
Just someone to listen the stories I tell.
– Toad the Wet Sprocket, “Stories I Tell”
I am ready for my close-up at the Opera House.
The TV show that wanted to interview Tony and me in Brisbane is called “Radical Sabbaticals” for a new cable network called Fineliving. The show is all about people who leave their line of work and travel. I guess I fit that mold.
My deal to do the interview was for them to provide my accommodation during the shoot. I run a hard bargain. I was expecting some poor excuse for a Holiday Inn, but instead I got the 5-Star Conrad International. Otherwise known as Treasury Casino. Yes, casino. Uh-oh. Not good. But room, very nice.
You should have seen Tony and me walking into this place. I hadn’t showered in 3 days, and Tony’s face hadn’t seen the working side of a razor in quite a while. We walked in with our backpacks, tents (they wanted them for the shoot) and wearing flip-flops. I’m sure they thought we were looking for the train station.
On entering the room, my mouth dropped. I have stayed in many 4- to 5-star hotels before traveling with work, but nothing as nice as this! There were 25-foot ceilings, huge rooms, and the bathroom was bigger than most NYC apartments (it even had steps in it. Yup, steps). I was like a kid in a candy store. I took a running start and did a leap onto the ultra-cushy bed.
Cushy bath at the Treasury Casino.
The camera crew was great: really professional and good-natured guys that made the shoot a breeze. If you can call 12-hour days for 2 days a breeze. I didn’t know it would be so much work. I did get tired a few times by having to do re-takes, but I sacrificed for my craft.
The only catch was that by the time we got to Brisbane, it started to rain. I was beginning to think Tony and I were jinxed. When we were in Perth it rained. We looked at the forecast for Adelaide, which was our next destination – it was nice and warm in Adelaide until we got there. Then we looked at Melbourne’s forecast in Adelaide – sunny and warm until we got there. Then we looked at Sydney’s forecast while in Melbourne – ditto until we got there. We did the same thing in Sydney – Brisbane was 88�F (31�C) and sunny until the day we arrived. I think Tony and I have some bad weather karma.
Well anyway, we had to do the shoots out in the rain. It did hold off for some of the day but later in the day, it just poured.
The second day, it was raining so we did my interview inside the hotel. They did ask me not to say I ran over and killed a kangaroo. They said it ran contrary to my “friend of animals” persona. Just so you all know, I killed the roo. Didn’t mean to, but I did. Dead as a doornail. I couldn’t lie on-camera and say that I saw the roo skipping off into the wilderness happy as a lark. I just said I hit one and didn’t say the aftermath of it. I am sure they can creatively edit it. They also asked me the question as I was petting a roo, “What is better, dogs or roos?” I answered: “Definitely dogs.” I think that was the wrong answer. I’m sorry! Don’t mean to be difficult – roos are interesting, but dogs are love incarnate. Roos do a waltz, but dogs rock! They also asked me what it was like to say good-bye to the people I have traveled with. As you know, I don’t like that question or situation. When I was talking about all the good-byes I have had to say on this trip and in my life, I started to choke up. I am such a wussy. But what do you expect from a 3-year-old?
The Last of the Great Unwashed Takes a Bow
See ya, Tone.
After the TV shoot in Brisbane, I had to say “see ya” to my traveling mate of the last 4 months, Tony. As adverse as I am to saying goodbye, I knew this wasn’t goodbye but just a “see ya later.” Nevertheless, it’s not easing saying “see ya” either.
Tony was the perfect traveling companion. His sense of humor made the trip a joy – imagine calling a car trunk after a type of shoe (how much can you fit in a hiking boot, I ask you? Hilarious). His choice in cars gave me tons of fodder for these travel articles. His calm demeanor was the perfect antidote to my moods. His encyclopedic knowledge of rock music impressed the hell out of me whenever we were playing road rock trivia in Eve, Vicki or Hannah. How many songs can you name with “weather” or “city names” in their title? I named a certain number, and Tony could easily double it. But they were usually all Queen songs – still impressive though.
See you and thank you, Tony. Tea, no milk or sugar, with loads of biscuits. Wait, scrap that, let’s go get a fair few pints of Kilkenny and a plate of hot chips. Cheers, mate, and look out for rabbits. Rock on, Tony, you are the champion and a good mate.
The Striptease Revisited
I haven’t updated my Striptease articles lately because I realized that it isn’t the clothes that make the Buddha, but rather his attachments to possessions and events. Strip anything defined and be free! But the clothes are a good start and symbolic for something more. As of now, with 2 weeks left, I have 2 sweatpants, one pair of shorts, 2 socks, 3 pair of underwear, 1 pair of shoes (that are killing me!), 3 shirts, 1 hooded sweatshirt and one windcheater. I am almost naked, I am the Toad, I am the Buddha – koo-koo-koo-ka-choo.
The clothes have been easy to strip. However, I’m still very much attached to Australia.
Stories I Tell
Don’t give me answers or I would refuse.
‘Yes’ is an answer for which I have no use.
I wasn’t looking for heaven or hell,
Just someone to listen the stories I tell.
What is a blessing and what is a dream?
Caught between portraits and none’s what it seems.
And why is it people expect there is a change
When I feel a part of something I can’t see.
I feel the same.
– Toad the Wet Sprocket, “Stories I Tell”
I had the question posed to me during my interview: “How has traveling in Australia changed you?” I have been giving that some thought for a while, so I had an answer at-hand. The answer is, it hasn’t. Except for a few bad haircuts, on the inside I feel the same. I was really hoping for an epiphany when I first arrived in Australia; some change that would give me a clear direction.
I do have a better understanding of what it means to be Todd. I guess you can call that an epiphany. But I always correlate “epiphany” with change, and I haven’t changed. I am still the same guy who has been signing his name Todd to these travelogues for the past 5 months. Scribo ergo sum: I write therefore I am.
I think I cam sum up my new understanding of what it means to be Todd with the following short list:
- Never judge people.
I assumed I would have very little in common with The Great Unwashed. I was wrong. When I stopped looking at our differences and rather concentrated on our commonalities, I understood. We are all the same. What it means to be human is the same in America, England, Zimbabwe or Afghanistan. Thank you, Tony, Tristan, Lou and Adam. You guys rock! - Don’t define anything.
I am not my passport, my addictions, my moods, my occupation, my clothes, etc. We are all Buddhas. - Be present.
I am learning to take whatever life gives me. I am trying not to wish for something that is past or something yet to come. The gloriousness of the present is missed if my ego is elsewhere. The present is all we ever had or will ever have. Enjoy the hell out of it! Because it is over way too soon. The journey means everything to me.
Thanks to all the people I have met along the way (especially thanks to Jon and Carina and all the people who e-mailed me along my journey), thanks to all the animals (especially all those Bills) and thanks to the one-of-a-kind Australian scenery. It was a great ride. And thank you for listening to the stories I tell.
I might be the same person, but you all have widened and enhanced my world.
And now, I take my bow and make my way with contented reflectiveness across the universe.